The Positive Mental Attitude Explodes like energy from a white hole
The difficulty with obtaining a positive Mental Attitude is nothing compared with the hardship in trying to maintain it once accomplished.
Some how through years of absolute hell I now find myself for the most part in ownership of a positive Mental Attitude! For this I am mostly thankful but the down side, is the amount of black holes floating around with in my universe, their negativity only wanting and trying to suck the the positivity and life from out of my soul, for some reason unbeknown to me, some wish to steal from me my goodness that I've somehow built up around me, they appear to want to knock me down and break me.
Is this envy pride ego and or jealousy? Why is it that others strive to see us fail? I only try to lift others up out of their sinking ships, because I'm so full to the brim with love, I only wish to share it with people and to help them once again sail the seven seas.
There are times I wonder if I should just stay hidden under my blankets, for fear keeps me there some days.
Fear of others pains that make me cry, fear of hearing their sorrowful woes again and again, fear because as I sit and listen once again to the sad and bad things that have happened during their lives, that I will also have once again to feel their pains all because of a gift given to me called mirror empathy.
This is most definitely not always a good thing. At times it makes me very intuitive and understanding towards other people's feelings, but sometimes it's a drain, a dark deep emotional drain. It literally sucks away my energies, mostly my positive energies.
What am I to do? Keep charging up my batteries to be around the same people who repeatedly suck the life out of me? What would you do?
If the someone who you dearly love, keeps stealing away all that you hold good well and healthy, to leave you feeling weak feeble and poorly, what would you do?
Stay away?
Keep going back?
Sometimes the only person that can help a person is themselves.
Recent times show me that I am failing myself, and them, time and time again, through shear deterministic adventures and wanting to make their lives better, I fail us both, alongside failing the others who I love dearly.
Now I must question myself as to why I keep trying for those people or that person? They clearly do not try for me. They show me no encouragement they engage with very little if anything about me, that is personal or special or of interest to me. So why do I keep trying with them...
I know this is mostly because I am brimful with love to share, and because I care and love and only want better for people.
This I would say is because of my past experiences of emotional pain and sufferance, trauma intelligence is built upon hell, but in the end appears to take you to a kind of heaven, where its much harder for things to hurt you.
But, maybe this is only because you or I have been hurt so many times before, therefore some things just do not hold the same weight of pain against me or us, that they once upon a time did.
I don't know. I am learning to accept that there is much I will never know or understand, now my goal is to self protect and love.
By Toni Cairns (c)2019.
Comments
Post a Comment